This year I promise to…

You don’t really think I’m going to lay out a whole list of resolutions here do you?
Please.
First of all – I know better than to put them to paper, thus making them ‘real.’  And second – putting them down on cyber-paper…well, that just seems like a really bad idea all around.
What if people check up on me? 
Pass.

Besides – I already have a system down for my to-do list.  Oh, and in case you’re living with your head in the clouds (which I totally support ~ I live like that 75% of the time), that’s really all your New Year’s Resolutions are – just one big fat to-do list. 

When I make a to-do list (usually for the weekend in case I find myself developing bed sores from lounging on the couch too long) – I start off easy.  It usually looks like this:

1.  Get up.
2.  Drink coffee.
3.  Eat breakfast (eggs?).
4.  Shower (optional).

See?  Just like that, I can knock four things off the list with nary a sweat being broken.  Not only that, but because I’m able to put little check marks next to each of these agenda items – I promote a feeling of accomplishment within – definitely a bonus for any weekend day.

So, I’m just not sure why I’d up my list overnight on December 31st from something that looks like that to something that looks like this:

1.  Run a marathon.
2.  Learn Spanish.
3.  (okay this is hard – I can’t even think of difficult things to do)
4.  Get married (lame, but I was struggling).

This list looks much harder than my normal list.  This one looks like there would be a lot of effort and diligence and perseverance involved.  A lot of swearing and sweating and probably crying.  Many bouts of giving up and throwing my hands in the air and…well, pretty much I’d tear up a list like this within the first two weeks of the year.

I guess one thing I don’t get is why people think they need to wait until the year turns to make some changes.  My suspicion is that they don’t really want to make these changes – and there is, after all, a bit of a cancellation factor involved in any promises made while filled to one’s ears with champagne.
(“Oh, man, I can’t believe I said I was going to lose 50 pounds…I mean, whatever…I was on my third bottle of bubbly!  I may as well have promised to figure out why deer poop is so tiny!”) 
If you want to change something or do something – shouldn’t you just go for it when you think of it?  What’s this waiting until the New Year to put your plans into action? 
Plus – doesn’t the unwritten message with resolutions point to not liking yourself the way you are?  I’ve worked really hard for the last 29 years (or so) to A) Figure out who I am and B) Learn to like me.  Why am I going to strain my mind by finding ways to change me? 
Pass.
Of course, then there’s the added pressure of “What are you doing for New Year’s Eve?”  As if not having plans makes you some kind of pariah (Am I only saying that because I don’t have plans?  I mean, I don’t really know now late I’ll be working so it just doesn’t make sense to make plans. Really.). 
So now, you not only have to come up with a list of things you want to change about yourself – but make sure you have somewhere to go all fancied up to share this list and somehow keep track of your progress for the next year.
This just seems stupid.
Instead how about I wrap up work with a pizza (or maybe Chinese food. Or would that make it Chinese New Year?), watch some pre-recorded movies (likely to be Eclipse) and then flip over to Ryan/Dick at 11:59pm so I can say I was awake for the New Year. 
How about I just go with that plan straight from the get go?  If anything else happens, I’ll just call it a bonus. 
To Do List:
1.  Order Pizza (or Chinese Food)
2.  Open Beer
3.  Curl up on the couch
4.  Move to bed at 12:05am.

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