I would actually kill a man for universal healthcare at this very moment. This very moment being minute seven of trying to reach someone at our insurance provider’s “office” who might direct me in filing a claim as our counseling provider has indicated that it is too difficult. And, yeah counselor dude, I totally agree. It’s an automated system – apparently a very sensitive automated system. After three minutes, I realized that the automated robot lady probably could use some counseling herself – if I didn’t use the exact right inflection, I would get a long, repeating response of “I don’t understand.” I’m sorry, automated robot lady, I live in the south – how about trying a little harder to understand regional accents. Bless your MOTHER EFFER I JUST GOT DISCONNECTED. Did you understand that automated robot lady?
I promise, this isn’t a political post. I haven’t even gotten to the chapter, yet, in my party’s secret handbook that tells me my opinion on healthcare and whom I should be annoyed with for not agreeing with my canned response. This is just a rage written opinion from a lady who definitely has better things to do with her time than decipher whether pressing 1 or pressing 7 will open the path to claims enlightenment. You know who universal healthcare will help? The poor, yes. The needy, yes. The those whose companies don’t provide it, yes. The those who could retire but also can’t because they don’t want to leave the land of copays, yes. And also, me. It’s rage written because if I don’t get a real person in the next five seconds, I’m may lose my actual shite on whichever poor soul takes the next call in the queue. After which, I will probably take out the rest of my shite on my husband. Sorry, love. It’s just that you are the primary on our insurance and I’m the one sitting here in automated hell for the third time because, given the choice, you would rather pay straight out of pocket than have to make this hero’s effort to speak to a real live person.
Okay, I may be getting connected. And my call may be recorded for quality purposes.
Which should be super helpful because by the time I speak to a real person…well…I know, I know. That lucky winner has nothing to do with how the system works. I mean, next week I’ve got to see an arthritis doctor – absolute proof that I should not be jumping through rings of fire at all, let alone these hoops needed to submit an insurance claim. I shouldn’t have to submit a claim at all. I don’t work for Blue Cross Blue Shield. Or Optum. Or Smart Choice. Or Alight. Or Delta Dental. Or Vision Service Providers. Also, I’m not even sure which of those options pertain to the claim I’m currently obsessed with filing. I’m still adjusting to bagging my own purchases at Target. Sure, I get a nickel off if I provide my own shopping bag – but where’s my prize for ringing up and organizing my own totes?
Right, but how did I get here.
In this particular case, well, it’s just that my husband and I see a couples counselor in an attempt to avoid frustrating moments just like this. We like the tune ups and the reality checks and the ability to end the start of frustrating moments just like this by saying this may be something to include Dr. X in. And we love Dr. X – and Dr. X is also a bit on the seasoned side. I can tell by his office that computers are not his forte. Nor is organization. To be honest, I’m dying to get like two hours alone in his office so that I can do my operations magic. To be honest again, I’m one thousand percent sure that he has his own counselor to talk him off the ledge after he attempts to connect to the interwebs to file his sessions with, what is likely, a cornucopia of insurance providers.
Which is why, go getter that I am, I offered to file our claims for him. I just figured what I always figured when it comes to others having organizational housekeeping challenges: how hard can this really be?
Evidently, super hard. Like hard with a cape.
Which is how I arrived at oh good grief, can we just have universal healthcare? A hot topic, yes. Though, to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why. Comments welcome – though I prefer the kind that just agree with everything I’ve said OR that are spoken kindly and start with a bless your heart.
My company just did another round of layoffs. It came last Wednesday – which seemed super random as it didn’t land at the end of a pay period or the end of a quarter or during review time. We’ve been doing layoffs for about two years now as two companies merged – and for two years, the layoffs have always been followed with a filtered down message from leadership saying something like that should be it, you should be safe. But then another round thrown in on a totally random Wednesday in May sent the hairs on everyone’s arms raising again. The layoffs suck by themselves. Then you hear about these team-members who have twenty or thirty years under their belt (yay!) and how they are getting twenty or thirty weeks of here’s-the-door pay (yay!) followed by also, that isn’t going to include insurance (boo!). So the packages nearly cancel themselves out with the cost of Cobra. Well, ew.
Imagine if that didn’t have to happen? Imagine if you could actually take, maybe not thirty, but, let’s say, fifteen weeks off after leaving a company that you’d been with for three decades and really regroup? Without having to worry about how you would fill your prescriptions while you take some time to reinvent yourself? Or what if you really could retire early and not drag it out for several unmotivated years in order to bring together that start of Medicare with the end of Companycare? Or what if, in everyday life, we could just go to any doctor that you wanted? What if you could see physician you wanted and not one you had to settle for because there was no such thing as In-Network or Out? What if we didn’t have to do the annual guess at how much money we’ll need in our FSA for the next year when the current one isn’t even over? What if we didn’t have to search for coupons to make our prescriptions more affordable because big pharma wasn’t a big crazy mess? What if prescriptions were (I hope you’re sitting down) just affordable? What if nobody had to file any claims at stinking all?
Do I hear angels singing?
In all honesty, why is universal healthcare such a hot topic? Why do those of us who do have healthcare feel slighted at the idea that other people would get healthcare? Hello? Am I naïve to think the money our companies would save would be filtered down to us? Just kidding. I’m naive, but not a total idiot. But, man, if I could just get off this now days long game of pushing buttons and being shuffled from person to person and never being able to speak to a supervisor. Man.
The thing is – if you look around the globe – there are many countries that we compare ourselves to that offer free healthcare coverage sitting lightyears ahead of what we have to work so hard for just to get a piece of it here. And please don’t say well, then, you should move there, that’s just a super lazy response and we all know that I can’t just move there because of Covid restrictions. And also because I have kids who are fairly important to me that currently reside in this country. And I kind of dig my southern accent.
And also because I’d miss my super senior, super disorganized, but very in-network counselor.
PS – Last month, I ordered glasses from Zenni Optical, an online service. I ordered two pairs (one with bifocals) for a quarter of what I’d have spent at the optician’s. Today, I received a new night guard (thank you, stress-related teeth grinding), also from an online service, Remi. It was also a quarter of what I would have spent via the dentist and fits absolutely perfectly. It was also long overdue as I hadn’t wanted to spend the money on something so attractive and drool producing. I’m very fortunate in that I have time to dig in for better options.
Imagine if I didn’t have to? Imagine if none of us did.